September Goals and Monthly Updates

1. August Lull - catfish, security threats 
2. September Plans
3. B-Day Videos, 6 edited, drop box, etc
4. New Monitor Goal
5. Dukes! Dukes! Dukes?

Happy Hump Day! And Happy end of August!

Sorry for the lull the last few weeks, I was just getting things in order and then had a bit of a security threat in mid August. I was notified by a hand full of people that someone has been stealing my photos and using them on tinder. I still haven't been able to get this person removed but my initial fear was that it was a personal and malicious attack because a friend who lives near me was matched with this catfish. I thought, oh shit, who ever is doing this is near by and maybe knows me. But later we found out that it's using some sort of bot and will show up on your tinder pretty much anywhere. But obvs with a human moderator, if you remember me chasing them for a few days every time they changed their instagram name lol.

You'll Understand When You're Older: Ode to the 15 Year Old Zoe

Being young is weird. I'm not all grown up yet and I think I'm starting to realize that that simply doesn't happen for anyone. If I could tell my future-adult child-having self one thing, it would be to promise to never EVER tell your kids (teenagers) that "You'll understand when you're older." You won't. You will just get more comfortable with the fact that not every thing can be understood. Adults don't have some superpower that allows them to understand everything. A lot of adults give up trying to understand. The healthy ones learn to accept their humanity and accept their reliance on the unknown, and they are okay with that. Other adults get bitter about being so insecure. They are dicks, don't be like them.

There is truth though, to the statement "You'll understand when you're older." Basic biology teaches us that the frontal cortex of the brain has yet to fully develop and this helps you process your perception of the future (1). Right now, every thing seems permanent, there is no future and your life now is all that you can chemically understand. Add in a dash of childhood pains, hormones, growth spurts, and general awkwardness and you've got the makings of a really great emo band.

But that's the truth. You won't ever understand but as I'm sure everyone has already told you, it does in fact get better. Happiness really is what you make it and if that is true, then you not only have the opportunity but the responsibility to find what makes you happy. There isn't room for more bitter, insecure dicks in this world. You have to work for this happiness and it's hard work. You can't simply get a job and buy more makeup to be happy. You can't join a gym and look like -who's a popular hottie these days you kids all like?- to be happy. You can't make good grades and satisfy all your parent's expectations to be happy. You can't kiss ass and make everyone like you to be happy. You can't get super rich and buy a bunch of friends to be happy.

Thank You! (part 2)

So I found Eva Lee. There is a sorta funny part of that part of my story that I forgot to point out. I said I was a guest. After sitting in her room, overwhelmed by the happiness that is Eva, for about twenty minutes, I worked up the nerve to say hello.

I typed "hello" as lame guests do and this error message popped up that I quickly ignored. I waited a few minutes and no one responded so I typed something along the lines of "I really like your hair" like lame guests do. Again, ignore error, again, nothing. I can't really explain the nervousness at this point. I'm sure many have experienced it on their first day on MFC. As a guest. Who everyone is ignoring.

So I thought maybe they didn't see my message cos it was too short. Or maybe they hated me... either way, I was practically sweating. I thought, she seems nice, maybe she wants to help a sister out and finally typed something like "Hey, you look really great. I'm a model too, what kind of camera do you use?"

This time I read the error message. "Guests have been temporarily muted by the model. Please sign up for a free account, asshole." My palms started sweating and getting sore. I thought maybe she had seen my message and had chosen to ignore it. You cannot NOT communicate, right? So I signed up for the free basic account as PrincessZoe2 and again tried to ask the pretty girl with red hair about her camera. This time all I got was "Basics have been temporarily muted... give us 20 bucks or fuck off."

So this irritated me and I gave up.