The great AFK of 2016: It's not you, it's me...

Here we are, one year and one month from my last post, again. I'm really neglecting this thing, huh? I realized it was time for me to scoot into gear and get back on the blogging after a long conversation with one of my fans-turned friend yesterday. I realize that my absence affects you guys but sometimes I forget just how much, and how negatively, my AFK status can be on you. Especially those of you I have had the honor to form close friendships with. So allow me to apologize once again and hopefully clear up some questions you may or may not have.

I'm not mad at you. I'm not trying to ghost out. Also, I'm okay and not rocking back and forth in the fetal position with crippling anxiety. Since moving here about two years ago, lots of crazy things have happened in my AFK life. Some things you know about, and some I cannot share in order to protect my secret identity, lol. There have been a few huge and life changing changes (thesaurus anyone?) that have taken place, namely last summer leading up to basement Zoe and crazy cranky sad Zoe. I'm working on ways to release details to you guys without threatening the brand and community we have built over the last 3 and a half years together. Allow me to reiterate, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME!



Your friendship and support means the world to me. I forget sometimes, because I'm dum and to absolutely no fault of yours, that I have people out there who actually care about me and probably get a bit worried when I disappear for no explainable reason. Not to mention those of you who continue spoiling me and making purchases, only to sit and wonder if your orders will ever actually be filled. I appreciate your loyalty and trust and I hate that I've been unable to come through on so many things this last year or so. But again, I haven't forgotten about you or given up on fulfilling these promises.

And I care a ton about you guys. It's hard to explain but as an entertainer, my mood can seriously affect my ability to do my job. It also makes it difficult to extend myself to my friends. I can't always tell you guys everything, so sometimes it is easier for me to withdraw until I can deal with my shit and come back to you happy and healthy and fun. I'm doing that thing again where I put tons of pressure on myself to be perfect and sparkly and in doing so, I neglect the people who just want to see me, even if its not the sparkly version, and I apologize. It's this thing I do. It's vain and prideful, and from what I gleaned yesterday, kinda hurtful to a lot of you. So please understand when I say there are times where I am incapable of extending myself, it's physically and mentally impossible for me to have the close conversations, all I can really do is spam blast twitter and let you all know I'm still alive and still love you. It's my own mental trap, I realize that. I just haven't quite figured out how to stop putting myself in that situation. I'm working on it! and I'm sorry you have to put up with this shit. But thank you.

So one way I want to counter this radio silence is to keep  my blog updated. Like, once a week is my plan now and when I get it together enough to meet that goal, we will be having more frequent updates. Since I can't always talk to all of you one on one, this blog will be a hopefully workable way to keep you guys in the loop without overwhelming myself. My worst fear right now is losing the close friendships I've developed (and you with each other!) since starting my cam model adventures.

Another tangible goal on the horizon is getting a website started. It will be simple at first, probably just a blog with comment sections where we can all keep in touch. Hopefully that will lead into some sort of community supporting place where we can continue to hang out and be bros.

If you haven't noticed by now, my life seems to be leading me away from camming and I'm trying to plan for that. Like I said, just cos I'm not on cam every day doesn't mean I'm willing to lose you guys. I fucking love all your butts. That is by no means to say I will never cam again, but being able to focus on my art and education and afk life has been really taking lots of my attention and energy lately. And what this means for you is that our community will not fall, Zoeland will always be, we just may be moving a bit away from the adult entertainment field. My site will be more focused on our community in the context of art and blogging and friendship and fun, and less about sell sell sell sexy sexy sexy! Ya know? 

But don't worry, I don't think I'll be able to stop showing my lady bits to the internet. Vids and what not will still be available, I'll still host private cam shows through various places, it just won't be the main goal of my website. If that makes sense? (I'm obvs still working out the kinks) One of the main reasons for this shift is, frankly, I caught myself being a bitch about it. Making money has never been my focus or goal and with life and stress and the fact that we all actually need some money to survive, I lost that energy for a sec and got desperate for a dollar and didn't treat you guys right. I'm sorry and I hope you can not take it personally. I was under a lot of pressure and I had to focus on something, unfortunately for all of us that focus for me was cash monies and not the things I'm supposed to stand for. Oops, is my humanity showing?

But if there is one thing I know about myself, besides being so goddam awesome that some of you are still actually reading this shit, is that I will come through. Eventually. And when I do something, I do it right. So, continue to be patient with me. I've realized some flaws in my method here, I've realized that my absence affects you, and I wanna work on that. Because, when it comes down to it, I really fucking love you guys. I hate that my moodiness can affect you, make you question me and us and what we've built. Fuck that noise. Let's be happy together and keep this thing going, even if it has morfed into something I never expected.

Annnnd, I'm rambling. Hope this clears some stuff up and gives you all a bit of peace of mind, maybe? No? Fine.

Fuck you all. Now follow me on instagram and tell me I'm pretty. @princesszoemfc AND art---> @hailzoeart

Thanks again so much for being here. You guys are like, oh man, so fucking cool. Please don't stop messaging me. I know I get busy and can't always respond but I know you're there and I see what you write and it makes my fucking day.